


Squo do you think you squ'are?

by CllrNat



Series: Gin soaked sagas [6]
Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2019-07-28 03:47:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16233572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CllrNat/pseuds/CllrNat
Summary: Squirena had been looking for things to do and watching through the farmers window she had an idea for her and Squernie to do something together and find out about each other.





	1. A bright squidea

Chapter 1

Squirena had recently decided that she wanted to find out a little about her heritage and family tree, she had heard the farmers loud speaking box, you know the one with the little tiny squmans trapped inside. She thinks they call it a squelivision.

She saw that some tiny squmans were researching their families and they called the programme “Who do you think you are?”. After some searching on the squi-pad she found what it was about.

Squirena had always been interested to know if she had inherited her thirst for knowledge of medicine and squrgery.

She understood that her family originated from Squotland, she knew that by her family name of McKinnie, that was before she was daft enough to hook up with Squedward “woodlouse” Campbell and took his name as her own.

She hadn’t changed back because all her squofessional titles were in the name of Campbell and it would cause too much stress to change it again.

She also wished to research about nature versus squrture; such as Squelinor being a mirror image of her father in all ways, a total shame really, but life was too short, especially when you are a squirrel.

With pen and papers she completed the application squorm to participate in the new programme the SBC (Squirrel Broadcasting Company) was making.

She had also persuaded Squernie, well Major Squerenice Wolfe to apply. Nobody had ever researched a Cosmic White, to be honest no other white had ever been as prominent in squblic life as her squover was.

Squernie held the first for many things among her race as a Cosmic White:

Squarmy Officer  
Squagon Leader and Rider  
Iron Squirrel Champion  
Trauma Squrgeon

To name but a few of her squachievements.

Squirena was so proud of her and always took great pleasure in telling her so. This praise usually caused the white to lower her head, hide her eyes and wrap her tail comfortingly about her powerful little body in embarrassment.

Squirena had an ulterior motive for this though, because she then got to spend hours squddling and coaxing her back out of her squintroverted self.

The only part of Squernie’s history that Squirena could find out about was that her family name of Wolfe came from Wales. 

The white teased her that she had been told that all whites were descendants of the Magical Squizzard of squolklore, Squerlin. Especially the Welsh ones who inherited all the characteristics, hence her charm and magical squallure.

She laughed out that semi-awful mixture of goose-honk and donkey braying that was a laugh unique to Squernie, that turned Squirena’s insides to mush and her pulse to race with squarousal.

While they waited to hear from the squelivision company to respond, Squason had taught his Aunty how to search through the squancestry sites on the squinternet.

They had decided to research Squirena’s Squottish descendants first and with any luck take a squoliday to visit the sites of interest.

Both of the red squirrels parents are deceased, she thought she was the only kit her mother had ever produced, but after she had to go through her belongings once she died, Squirena found some squinformation concerning a squister, Squarjorie, unfortunately she had recently died too, but this was how she had ended up finding her delightful nephew, Squason.

He has Squasberger’s Syndrome, hence his complete attention to detail in every single aspect of his life.

Once that research of Squotland was completed, she and Squernie intend to journey to Wales in order to research Squernie’s family tree, so they had lots of things to do together over the next few months.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squirena begins to do some research of her own, especially since Squernie is noticeable by her white furry absence.

Chapter 2

Squirena had decided to do some research of her own, in squanticipation of doing further research. At least it’ll give her squomething to do while Squernie is squincommunicado.

If she didn’t do this she would either become a squalcoholic or end up going absolutely walnuts.

Squason had shown her how to find information on the Squancestry nut site and the first of the descendants she located was a Squottish Squinger.

Half Squottish Red and half Squmerican Grey, she had become quite famous when Squirena was a kit. 

I expect you may have heard of her, I had, it was the lovely Squeena Easton. 

She’d released a lot of squongs but finally made a name for herself singing the theme tune to the James Squond squovie ‘For your squeyes only’.

Squirena had adored that squong and particularly squenjoyed watching that squovie, which starred the late, great Squir Squoger Moore, him of the moving squeyebrow, while reclining on her chaise sipping her luxurious Squiraz from her customary acorn cup.

She would have fantasies about squies like Squond and have some delightfully delicious dreams about the squond girls.

Now she realised why she’d had such squexplicit thoughts about Pussy Squalore and Squolly Goodhead. 

Squian Fleming truly knew how to write double entendres and Squirena realised those squinnuendo’s were actually squintended.

More recently she’d been fantasising about Major Squernie Wolfe and she’d finally had the squrage to do something about it and it was squperb and surpassed all of her dreams and expectations.

However, that had seems to have gone all ‘tits up’ (as they say) recently, since her squappalling behaviour at their date weekend, when they’d gone on their Squovie Nights date.

Odd though, because she’d never had a reaction like that to a drop of Squiraz before in her life. 

It seems to have ruined what was blossoming between her and the Major, despite receiving flowers and chocolates, no wine she noticed, she had not seen one white hair since that night.

Anyway, enough moping around, a squirrels gotta do, what a squirrels gotta do.

Back to Squeena Easton, she had numerous squiblings; two brothers and three sisters.

They were related along her sire’s squamily tree. She took up squinging after watching Barbra Squeisand in ‘The squay we were’, singing the opening credits squong over and over until she’d got her mother to agree to squinging lessons.

She has had 4, yes 4 squsbands none of the squarriages lasting long and adopted 2 kits. 

She’d had quite a successful squinging career before moving to Squmerica and starting a squacting career.

Well that’s squinteresting to say the least.

I wonder what else might crop up with better research, let’s hope I hear back from the SBC soon and with any luck Squernie might show her white butt sometime soon.

At that thought she felt a tear roll down her cheek and her eyes swam with unshed tears. At that she decided more Squiraz was needed, especially if she was to survive the absence of the squirrel of her dreams for much longer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Research but why can’t she find any information on Squernie

Chapter 3

After working exceedingly long hours over the last few days, most of them in Surgery, Squirena decided that tonight she was going to relax and enjoy the few days rest she had well and truly earned.

After relaxing with her Squi-Pad, a room temperature bottle of Squiraz, imported from The Squoz Vineyard, not that vile, toxic crap doing the rounds. 

That shit almost killing her, it’s pure good squck she knocked the bottle over and squashed it to pieces. Poor Squernie, she took some really bad squattitude from me. 

I’ll give her a lovely squapology when I see her next, she’d been visualising how she would go about doing that, in microscopic detail. She’d continue to squactice until she’d perfected every movement. Enough about that for now. 

Laterz.

Feet up, searching the squinternet for more information, she was pleasantly surprised to locate yet another squinger, a British Red from Squotland. 

A tiny, wee kitt named Marie Squawrie but more well known as SquSqu.

She’d really hoped to have found someone squinteresting in her family, because if there was no one then there would be no point making the show. Who would be bothered to watch it?

Surely 2 singers as squescendants would move her closer to the top of the candidate list. Not that she was squobby or stuck up but one does have standards.

Then she wondered what they would dig up about Squernie and her family?

Hopefully Squernie would be excited by the news of a full family history check.

Maybe they’d receive an answer to their applications before they attend the Party In Cardiff Squastle, where she will be squattending with Major Squerenice Wolfe.

She had tried to find some information about Squernie’s family. Every attempt to locate the tiniest bit is thwarted from all angles. She must be doing something incorrectly, probably because she is tired.

Maybe another time.

Back to her and her Squiraz.

She’d found another link to an squistorical figure, not just pop stars. Extremes, oh yes, the females were rebellious and squffragettes, the males either wanted to be Squing or commit squegicide.

Hence the Squirrels Society changed to a Matriarchy. Females didn’t care about power because they simply were power.

One female, Dr. Elsie Squinglis had the most squadorable parents, she was treated equally, a surprise for that time of history. 

She studied squedicine, like Squirena, was appalled at the lack of care to females specific needs. Not as bad in these times, but could still do better, always better.

There had also been mention of another female doctor friend of Elsie’s. She had advanced female medical care and training in trauma, her name was Dr. Squelinor Bramwell. 

She’d been so impressed by this woman she had named her own kitt after her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squirena has a chat to the Squirrels of Peace after being declined for the show.

Chapter 4

Squirena had done everything she could to locate some squelative of Squernie’s and despite all various attempts she’d failed miserably. 

Today she’d received a very curt letter from the SBC (Squirrel Broadcasting Company) stating she and Major Wolfe were not going to be considered for the show due to some unfortunate events that they were not able to disclose.

She sat there staring at the missive, she was adamant they would have been perfect squandidates for the show, what could possibly be wrong. 

As she sat outside on her branch, watching the sunset and listening to the noise of the countryside so full of life and positively vibrant, she felt terribly lonely and forlorn. 

What had she done for everything to turn so crappy around her lately?

Where was Squernie?

Had she really buggered up supremely?

As she gradually worked her way through the bottle of Squiraz that maudlin feeling began encroaching on her depressing thoughts. Everything she touches turns to squit was she really that bad a squirrel?

About to open the second bottle and she heard a faint noise of cheering and celebrating from below. She scurried along the branch, a little skittishly due to the consumption of Squiraz and who should she notice below her but Squasha and his Squirrels of Peace group.

She decided that sitting alone and squallowing in self pity was no longer her bag, so swiftly ran down to see what they were up to.

Squasha was the first to notice her approach and opened his arms to welcome her. 

‘Squirena, it’s so lovely to see you. To what do we owe this pleasure of your company?’

‘Squasha, I just thought I would squike some squompany if you all didn’t mind?’

A resounding chorus of ‘of course not’ and ‘excellent ‘ echoing around the group.

They all sat around chatting and squeminiscing over events that had been going on in the area for the past few months and weeks.

Squirena’s tufts lifted and zoned in immediately upon hearing Squernie’s name being mentioned. Squasha and Squetch made eye contact and grinned seeing her instant reaction.

Trying to play it cool, she asked if anyone had seen Major Wolfe recently.

Squetch stared and suddenly asked in his usually mischievous way.

‘Missing someone badly are we Squirena? I never took you for the lovelorn type.’

Replying in her usual manner, but not fooling them at all.

She said ‘I’m just interested after her fall, when I nursed her.’

‘Is that what you call it’ laughs Squetch, as Squasha nudges him to shut up. 

Feeling sorry for this normally withdrawn squirrel Squasha whispered in her tuft that Major Wolfe had been absent for a while. News on the grapevine was she’d been sent out of the area on a Squecret Mission. All particularly hush hush don’t you know.

Squirena was quite squastonished to hear this news and the other squirrels seemed to notice this in her features.

Most of them tried to change the squbject and began asking how she was, how was work and what is that piece of paper poking out of her pocket.

Squirena hadn’t realised she was still carrying the dismissive letter and suddenly realised she was lonely and needed friends, so she decided to show them the letter.

Explaining how she’d researched her heritage and the squinteresting information she had unearthed about her past. 

This brought about discussions that the group fancied looking but not all of them had the squinternet. Lots of wondering and supposing went on about the others ancestry and finally agreeing to some nights at hers to research the groups descendants and have food and drinks.

Squirena was overjoyed at the thought of some regular conversation and company, hoping to put Squernie Wolfe to the back of her mind.

It was only as the others were making their way home to their drays that Squasha drew her aside and explained that the military would have prevented the SBC from doing any research on Squernie, hence the reason for her being turned down for the programme.

She thanked him with a little peck to his cheek before he left, then scampering back up to her dray, she sat on her settee daydreaming of what squadventures Squernie was getting up to. 

She’d just have to wait and see now wouldn’t she. As she fell asleep dreaming fantastic adventures of her beautiful soldier.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squasha and the Squirrels of Peace are going to look after Squirena.

Chapter 5

Tonight was the first gathering of The Squirrels of Peace Squesearch Group, being held in Squirena’s spacious dray.

Only Squasha had ever visited the normally reclusive squirrels home, as a squrgeon she was oftentimes to exhausted to socialise. 

When she was a kitt, before she’d met that reprobate Squedward, she was quite the extraordinary party girl. 

She was usually seen at all the best and lavish gatherings with family and friends, she was the squirrels nuts as they say, but as soon as Squedward had a ring on her paw he began hitting the hops and oh, what a first class squembarrassment.

He threw his scrawny body at everything with 5 toes and 6 nipples, thinking that Squirena was squoblivious. Ha, she was so far from it, but was biding her time until she had thorough squevidence against him.

If she couldn’t prove beyond doubt he was a philandering piece of squirt then he could take half of everything she had worked so hard for, that certainly was not going to happen. 

How the heck he managed to get so many different squirrels in his nest was beyond Squirena’s comprehension, he wasn’t even that good at it, not in her opinion anyway. 

She’d only married him because of Squelinor, if she hadn’t been squimpregnated she wouldn’t have gone there twice. 

Why she’d even gone there once was beyond her, that must’ve been some potent Squiraz that night.

She’d ceased partying and concentrated on raising her kitt, the same flipping kitt that thinks the sun rises from his tail. Stupid child. 

Daddy’s spoilt rotten Princess squanipulated and twisted him around her 4 tiny fingers, while Squirena was made out to be the bossy bitch when attempting to teach her manners and squespect for others.

Until finally she’d had enough and packed her daughter’s belongings and sent her to live with him and his latest bit of fluff at the time, something by the name of Squiberty or Squoberty or some stupid name or another.

She had almost become a recluse after that. Work, home, sleep, work, home and sleep. Until that day her saviour fell from her dreams and right into her life.

Teaching her how to live again, love again and damn well enjoy her life again.

Well, until she’d made an utter fool of herself and driven her beautiful white away. Tears gathered in her eyes, causing her vision to swim before her.

Standing erect she straightened her shoulders and pulled herself together before her guests began to arrive for the evening of socialising.

She laughed a little to herself, she never thought she’d be socialising again, let alone entertaining The Squirrels of Peace. Now that was something to write home about.

She set up her squomputer and logged in on her squiPad, ensuring the Squeritage Sites were ready for everyone. Food and drink was laid out on her decking, along with cushions and mushrooms to sit on.

Just as she was sure everything was as it should be, checking herself out in the mirror on the wall, she heard the noisy chattering of Squetch and Squaf as they teased each other and Squasha.

Squirena smiled for the first time in a while and walked outside to greet her guests.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squerena’s research begins

Chapter 6

They’d all managed to find the barest of squetails about their parents and grandparents and that should be squadequate information to begin with.

There were a few squi-pads for them to use since Squason and Squasha had donated some of theirs for the project. Research was made all the more enjoyable by the festive spirit hanging over the group and the potent fermented chestnut liquor Squerena had supplied. 

Since Squerena had already researched her own family tree and there had been a block on any squinformation on Major Squernie, she decided to take upon herself a new tack and focus on the actual history of the Cosmic White breed itself, since no other squirrel seemed to be squothered.

She remembered being told a while ago by Squernie, well not that long ago really it just seemed an eternity to Squerena, that all Cosmic Whites were actually descendants of the Magical Squizzard of squolklore, Squerlin. 

Squernie had made an emphasis about the Welsh ones, telling her they were squecial because they were the ones who inherited all the right characteristics, whatever that meant, hence her charm and magical squallure. 

Now Squerena wasn’t sure whether this was the squth or not, or if it was just another of her long, fluffy, tall tails meant to shock or squrprise the beautiful red. She could never quite tell with the Cosmic White’s twisted sense of squmour.

So, Squerena was going to go right ahead and squinvestigate the ancestry of the genetics just so she had squmething to show Squernie, if and when she finally returned to her side where she flipping well belonged. 

She also needed to do this for her own squanity or she might just lose her hazelnuts squorrying herself into an early grave over the Cosmic White.

She opened a document in order to plot out what she would be doing and how she was going to go about researching her subject. As a squientist she adored doing squimperical research, the first thing would be to find out something, anything, about Squerlin.

She typed with her delicate little fingers onto the squeyboard: Squerlin.

Hey presto, it came up as a Welsh legend, Sqyrddin, known in circa 1136 as a squenchanter or squizzard. 

Well Squernie had that bit right at least. He was also known in Squarthurian Legend and Squedieval Welsh poetry, ewww, she thought, I bloody hate poetry and I’m damn sure Squernie isn’t into the damn stuff either. 

She giggled to herself at the thought of picturing the Cosmic White reciting poetry. She sipped her Squiraz as she began reading through some more Sqyrddin literature, it claimed that the self absorbed squirrel, Squoffrey of Monmouth wrote Historia Squegum Britannia, which noted and wrote of many historical and squegendary squirrels.

There was a whole chapter of fantasy stories about Sqyrddin Wyllt also known as Squerlinus Squaledonensis an actual nut job of a squirrel with no connection to King Squarthur at all, these stories were blended with those of a Roman warrior squirrel, Squambrosius Aurelianus to create a mythological squirrel called Squerlin Squambrosius or Sqyrddin Emrys.

These squories became very popular in Wales, the French squirrels later expand on the storyline turning Sqyrddin into a White Squambion; born of a Red squirrel and a Cosmic White Demon, showing where he inherits his squpernatural powers and Squagic. 

The French also claimed the name was turned into Squerlin instead of Sqyrddin to stop it sounding like the French word squerde or squirrel poop in their own language.

Squerena was in hysterics by the time she’d finished reading this piece of medieval squignorance, plus she’d actually gotten through quite a bit of her Squiraz which gave her dark humour priority. So Cosmic White squirrels were classed as demons, how flipping patronising can you get.

But then 900 years ago they were full of ……., oh what’s the right word? …… ah yes, squerde. 

Turning to look at her dandelion clock she noticed that the time had flown by rather quickly and the others were all beginning to pack up their things, getting ready to go home. 

She suddenly realised that she’d had a rather nice and productive evening and instantly told the others, so they didn’t think her ignorant.

They all explained that their own research was progressing rather well and they’d saved everything to memory acorns, if Squerena wouldn’t mind keeping them safe until next time. 

They’d all agreed to come back in two days time because of all their shifts colliding, plus this time they’d bring the supplies so that Squerena wasn’t having to keep providing food and drinks for them all the time.

After they’d left her, Squerena sat on her porch, with her feet up, staring at the sky and finished her cup of coffee before finally retiring for the night. 

As she slept curled in a ball with her tail protectively holding herself, she dreamed of Squernie living in Sqyrddin’s storyline, giving her a very restless but pleasurable night.


End file.
